Marriage: The 3rd ring

You'll never establish a (functional) relationship or repair one without communication followed by understanding. It doesn't matter if the relationship is with your spouse, children, other family members or God. When you talk to it, the relationship will grow. In which direction is determined by the energy you place behind the communication Transparency: I USED to think that it was just enough that I was at work all day and coming home, to me then that was relationship enough as I had never seen or experienced anything more than that. A relationship is lit-er-al-ly defined as "a way in which people are connected" It never really dawned on me that I claimed to be in this relationship but I am not really communicating with this person and how they might feel about it. If you look at it this way, I was being selfish with my time, effort and energy but expected time, effort and energy when the kids went to bed (😋) An emotional investment is just that, an inv...

Podcast talking about the recent conversation John Grey had on Sister Circle.

Episode 2 of our podcast! Make sure you are subscribed. Discussing Going thru, and how trials test you. Also, growing in your trial to come out stronger! Podcast available here !

Marriage the 3rd Ring, who we are and what we do. This is our first podcast, an intro to how we came up with the idea of Marriage the 3rd Ring and why. Please listen in and follow us on our journey to encourage couples trying to find their way. If you are not subscribed to our Podcast, please do so thru all major Pod Catchers. Our podcast feed can be found by clicking here!

This is how it goes, when someone hurts us and that pain hurts you to your core the first thing that usually happens (if you're like me) is you draw back. That's only natural though, you touch a hot stove you quickly draw back, step on a Lego in the middle of the night, you holler out in pain screaming dear God what just happened, but you draw back quickly and hug your foot. The point is we do a quick assessment of potential injuries and remove ourselves from the source of the affliction. What about deep wounds though? Not the kind of wound where you stick your finger with a pin and then immediately suck on it. The kind where if you don't go get professional help something bad will happen heavy loss of blood, infection or worse.  Often times when we are deeply hurt emotionally, we draw back and stay there. We may seek help initially but for the main part we remain guarded. So what happens, that deep wound begins to heal on the surface but underneath infections grow.  I call...

Everyone goes thru hard times and married couples are of no exception. A popular misconception though is that just because there are 2 people involved one or both of them have to just get over whatever they are going thru in order to get by. 1. That totally dismisses the issue at hand and asks one or both of them to bury their feelings. Eventually those feelings (regarding whatever the issue is) will fester and mutate into something else and something as simple as the dishes not being down will blow up into a big thing. 2. Does NOT reconnect the couple back together and creates a sense of, oh well we are just stuck in this now. This eventually turns into resentment and possibly leads down other avenues that could be destructive to the relationship. Having found out first hand, there is a big difference between getting over something and getting thru something. Imagine drilling a hole deep into the ground and you come across a huge rock, you have 2 options, dig around that rock or...

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭84:11‬ ‭KJV‬‬ How many times has God brought you out of something or brought you through something, that you had no idea how you were going to get through? A lot of us can have faith when it comes to financial, health, employment etc., So why not our marriages? If we have faith God will heal pain in our arm or foot and it doesn’t happen as fast as we won’t it do we cut it off, because we’re tired of waiting and feel like we can get another one that’s better? Doesn’t really make sense does it? So why is it so easy to walk away from marriage? If God placed you together, why do you think it is so easy to walk away and so easy to divorce, and why do you think you can find somebody better? That’s what you figure out before you get married, before you take vowels. Yes marriage is not easy nothing worth having is and yes things happ...

Psalm 136 KJV   O give thanks unto the  Lord ; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. How many of us are really thankful?  So many times it’s hard to just be thankful, we got bills that take all of our money, children  getting on your nerves,our  spouse is driving us crazy, your job sucks. And this is just a few things on some days. But if we take a minute and look at our situation like yes, I have bills, but thank God I have the money to pay them, our children are healthy and we have food to eat, clothes to wear and shoes on our feet.so thank you lord for the blessings. I know it sounds crazy because most of us have never been in a situation where any of this was an issue. So that’s why when certain things happen we panic we get upset and irritated, and complain. We complain about the simplest things. So when you think about marriage especially your marriage how many times do you complain about your spouse not taking out the trash, doing t...

A Valentin's Day Affair! If you are following us on Facebook then you already know, if not what are you waiting for? For Valentine's Day on February 10th next year, we will be hosting a night of fun, romance and comedy for married & engaged folks in the Greater Charlotte area! Tickets are available on Eventbrite.com . Please come out and support our first ever event. There will definitely be more and you are sure to get some great information, entertainment (music and comedy) and food! If you aren't following us on FB, do so here ! You can also sign up for our mailing list on the right. Just click the link to the right to be kept up to date with what we are doing and how we are encouraging married couples!

This title alone holds so much weight, when I hear this it really makes me think. So many things can happen in this world in our lives that can leave a chip on our shoulders. Wether it’s childhood  hurt, family hurt Church hurt or relationship hurt. Usually with any of these things happen it’s by someone we trust or in a situation where we feel safe enough to let our guard down. So what do we do how do we move on, how do we not make others pay for the hurt that we have experienced? Do we stay mad?  Honestly, that’s easy to do when we are hurt. In some cases, our heart is broken in multiple pieces and we can’t begin to know how to patch it up, so why forgive, why trust. I guess the saying everyone likes to use is “burn me once shame on me burn me twice shame on you”. But is that really how it works is that how God wants us to approach situations? Not at all! At the end of the day we have to put it in God’s hand.  Forgiveness is not for that other person, it is for us. ...

We've been there, if you are married and breathing you've been there. Anytime you are dealing with anyone else and their own individual opinions some one is bound to get upset, especially when both parties are pretty are set. Arguing, hot tempered conversations, quarreling... Whatever you call it, most people don't like to talk about it.  From my experience, having a argument (or heated discussion) is a perfectly normal occurrence in any marriage. There are a few rules though that must be followed if there is to be growth afterwards. 1.  Be respectful  2. Keep your tone in check 3. Pray and ask God for guidance When talking to your spouse about a topic that can be pretty heated it is quite easy for a "shady" comment to slip out. Be respectful, be kind and be loving, even when it's hard to! Don't return shade with shade, that's a good way to stifle the conversation and miss out on the opportunity to connect with your spouse. This leads into the next rul...

That's right, I said it... I am not perfect! When I came into my marriage 15 years ago, I had no idea what marriage truly was supposed to look like. No one told me the required amount of patience, forgiveness and sacrifice was needed in a marriage. Like really, someone should really come up with a numerical value to this and this numerical value needs to be agreed upon census. Like, 'we asked 10,000 married couples and per their level of expertise...' Even if that happened and every married couple was asked what they felt was the right amount of patience, forgiveness and sacrifice, would that be enough?  Even if that happened and every married couple was asked what they felt was the right amount of patience, forgiveness and sacrifice, would that be enough? What would their answer on? Most likely, if you provided and answer within your self, the first thing you probably thought about was how much you are willing to bear for someone else. That is alot to ask anyone.  I ...

1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. So I felt like I wanted to address the marriage issue in the media right now. There were so many scriptures that came to mind. Especially scriptures on divorce, but this seemed perfect. Hopefully when we get married it’s is for better or worse and till death do you part. But we know things happen if there is infidelity that you can’t forgive we know God gives you a pass because he doesn’t want your heart to be hardened and I have a problem with abuse I don’t recommend nobody stays when they are being abused and the spouse won’t get help, i somewhat wonder if Hod was ever in that marriage. But when you see irreconcilable differences, I wonder First of all you both are human you’re not going to think the same. But you don’t want a puppet you want someone with a different opinion sometimes and if it is causing friction pray...

We just came back from a cruise last week with some sessions on marriage and business, a lot of very good information. So my husband asked me if I could take 1 word from this week, what would it be. Well my word was intentional. And that is because as a full-time mom, full-time wife and full-time nurse my life gets hectic and so many times we get caught up in the hustle and bustle we are letting life run us. But if we start living life intentionally, and being intentional in our marriage, it could be so much better. For instance giving your spouse words of affirmation. Most time y'all see each other in passing between work and activities and children activities it's hard to focus on something as simple as "you're wonderful" "you're sexy" things like that because you're thinking about work and life. Something as simple as setting a reminder in you phone to send a text or make a phone call can help you be intentional. Setting date nights on ...

Philippians 6-7  (message Bible) states:  Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. How many of us worry about our marriages our futures our significant others? We're human so it's so easy to do. And we live in a society full of choices, there are even some men and women who can know somebody is in a relationship, and be ok with being the "side piece". None of this is what marriage is about.... But if we give our marriages to God, and keep him in our marriage, we have nothing to worry about because at the end of the day God has us. I know sometimes we try to control things we might tell our spouse who they can or who they can't talk to, or where they can or can'...

Philippians  2:3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  :4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. KJV Philippians2:3  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. NIV How many of us can actual say we do this in our marriages? How Many times do we try to control our spouse, without even knowing it. Telling them what they can do or what they can't. Who they can talk to or who they can't. Who they can hang with or who they can't. All these things are our way of controlling. For or own self, because it makes us feel better. At the end of the day yes our bodies are each other's. Yes. But we belong to God and so do our marriages. So let's trust God and our spouse to live according to how Good int...

Good morning! I was listening to the radio while driving back from work the other day and a song came on that I had to put on repeat! Some of you may know it, but it says sometimes you have to encourage yourself and sometimes you have to speak victory during the test, no matter how you feel... This song just blessed me! Then I thought about a friend who is having problems in their marriage and life. At a time like this when the biblical portrait of marriage is absolutely under attack, it is highly crucial that you find yourself 1. Rooted in God and 2. Speak life into your situation and into your marriage. Psalm 37:4 - Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. It's not that God is a genie and you just have to say a few words and then poof, insta-miracle. No. But when you truly line yourself up with the Word of God your thoughts begin to line up with the will of God. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven. Proverbs 18:21 - Death ...

Are you transparent in your relationship? Really think about this. Does your spouse know where you are? Do you have open communication? Not just responding to questions,  but engaging in conversation. Communicating with how your day was and what you did. Do you come home after work and if not died your spouse know where you are? If someone flirts with you or contacts you and you know it not a good idea, do you tell your spouse or do you just hold it in? In building strong communication and relationships and  trust. We need to be transparent. Yes we all are our own people and entitled to privacy. But if your cell phone is locked. WHY? If your engaging in conversation and actions you wouldn't want your spouse doing or your spouse couldn't do it with you. WHY are you doing it. What's the point? 1 Thessalonians  5:22 Abstain from all appearance of evil. Meaning your intentions may be good. But how does it appear? How did it appear to God, to your spouse. Go...

... is probably one of the hardest concepts to understand concerning marriage, but hands down the most thrilling and rewarding. Like most people out there, I know, I am not perfect. I make mistakes, some that could have had a detrimental impact on not just my marriage to my wife, but to my soul and spirituality. I had the problem that most guys deal with, pride and a emotionally stunted heart. Sure, I have always considered myself a nice enough guy, but emotionally for a really long time, I was emotionally devoid of, well, a heart. I guess you could have called me the Tin Man! Unlike the Tin Man however, I was not looking for the Yellow Brick road nor was I looking for my Dorothy to help me get to the man that would fix me up! The thing about complacency and depression and being stuck in darkness for a really long time, you get used to it. Ever try to open your eyes in the sunlight after being in a dark room for an extended time? Well guess what, it hurts! Being the Tin Man that I w...

Whats holding your marriage together? Have you ever stopped to really think about that. Is it the kids, or is it finances? Is it guilt, or fear? Or is it commitment, or love? There is at least one marriage out there that one of these things above is what they feel is holding their marriage together. But what happens when the children grow up and move out? What happens when one feels like they now make enough money to be on their own, so finances are not a factor? What happens when the guilty party  doesn't have the guilt anymore? What happens if someone breaks the commitment? Or what happens is the fairytale is over and it feels like the love has faded? Is there still a marriage, will you stay and work it out? Or has the key ingredient to holding your marriage together been missing all along? Me and my husband learned not too long ago that even if we didn't feel like we loved each other at times, if we truly loved God that was enough to work through anything. How do...